I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I believe in your delicious
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
