when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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