I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
