i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
