Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
