So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
