pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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