which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The Olympian is in my bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
