he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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