girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
