What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
