Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
