Please, let me fuck your mom
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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