You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
