Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
