Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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