We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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