ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
