her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
