I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
