What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
