i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
