So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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