You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
