Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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