best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
