no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
