Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
