i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A+ Viking dick
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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