I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
