I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
