i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
