There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
