I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
