After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
