i already hear my dad disowning me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
