I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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