can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
