matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
