so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
