What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
