worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
