I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
