woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
