It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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