all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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