oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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