I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
