Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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