isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
