woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
