Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
