Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
